****COMMENCE TRANSMISSION****

FAKE DATES

[FAKE DATE SIGN-UP FOR GIRLS IS NOW CLOSED!].
[FAKE DATE SIGN-UP DEADLINE FOR GUYS is AUG 10.]

Hey Space Cadet! The Fake Prom Matchmakers have been in orbit around Venus (the love planet, btw) getting inspiration for this year’s Matchmaking Questionnaire. You’d better prepare for liftoff because the Matchmakers have synthesized an excellent series of incisive questions that will help them find you the perfect Fake Date!

Okay. So why do we set you up on Fake dates? Well, leading scientists predict that in the future, mankind will have done away with outdated 20th century notions like pollution, hangovers and the worst offender - pressure to have a date for social events like real proms. As part of this year’s forward-thinking theme, we here at Fake Prom are offering you the alternative of a stress-free & obligation-free Fake Prom Astro-Date!

In order for our super-computer to work, all the Fake Prom Matchmaking Squadron needs is for you to fill out the official Space Matchmaking Questionnaire in its entirety (of course normally we could do this ourselves with a mind meld but we’ve had to divert auxiliary power to the FTL drives while the flux capacitor is being fixed). The Fake Prom Matchmaking Squadron will then input the data into the super-computer, and within space-minutes (which translate into earth-weeks) it’ll provide the Han to your Leia, the HAL 9000 to your Dave, or the Spock to your Kirk.

What a Fake Astro Date consists of is really up to you. You may decide to meet up beforehand and coordinate spacesuits or maybe you just want to save each other a dance and share some freeze-dried ice cream on the beautiful Palais Royale deck. Fake Astro Dates are really just a fun and pressure-free way to meet someone you don't know in the middle of all this vast, empty nothingness. Hit or miss, you’ll have a juicy story to tell your friends!

SECTION ONE: THE BASICS (Name/Rank/Model or Serial Number

Your Name:

Your Age:

Your e-mail address (mandatory):

I am a: Boy Girl

I would like to go to Fake Prom with a: Boy Girl O Cylon (note: the number of Cylons is limited, so please pick a secondary option

You like meeting people who:
have very similar interests
have very dissimilar interests
have no interests
have many interests
(CHECK ALL THAT APPLY)

Have you ever been on a blind date?
Yes
No

When first meeting someone new, are you
Quiet and shy
Quiet, but open up quickly
Nervous and jittery/shaking
Awkward
Extremely social
Fairly normal (by your own standards)
Hilarious (i.e. like Eddie Murphy in The Adventures of Pluto Nash

What are you hoping to get out of Fake Prom? (Check all that apply)
An overall fun night
Some dancing
Lots of dancing
Some boozing
Lots of boozing
Make outs with randoms
Make outs with your date
Hook-up(s)
Making someone jealous
Impressing your friends
Party till you puke!

SECTION TWO: THE FINAL FRONTIER AND YOU


Which role would you say best describes you?
Starfighter
Off-world Miner
Fremen
Damn Dirty Ape
Skin Job/Replicant


So what kinds of things keep a spaceman/spacewoman like you busy?
Exploring the outer reaches of the galaxy - I love the outdoors.
Sifting through the detritus of Earth civilization - I'm a book nerd.
Trying on new helmets - I'm all about fashion.
Listening to Worf's rendition of "Ak'Tu and M'Elota" - Just call me a music snob..

What would you say is your best asset?
Strength
Fluent in several languages (incl. several Martian dialects)
Constitution
Intelligence
Wisdom
Charisma
O n Spaceship, Good Piloting Skills

Which theoretical model of the universe do you subscribe to?
The Big Bang
String Theory
Quantum Field Theory
Intelligent Design
Cthulhu

What kind of music would you launch into outer space as a way of communicating with extra-terrestrial beings?
Some Beethoven or Chopin (you know, intelligent bullshit)
Anything with 7+ band members in it.
Some new emo band
Whatever's on the new release shelf at Soundscapes.
I doubt you've heard of it
Rhianna, JT, Beyonce etc (MTV is culturally relevant!)
Synth stuff from the 70's (it's probably what aliens listen to anyway)
Nothing

In a battle with a fierce alien creature or someone trying to steal your date), what weapon would you choose?
wit
strength
a phaser (that shoots dirty looks)
get help from a close friend (a robot/kill-bot)
rocket-pack your way out of there

When choosing a wizard to solve your troubles, you'd likely go to?
Optimus Prime (kind and protective autobot)
Galvatron (dangerous and exciting decepticon)
Lt. Data (intelligent and cultured conversationalist)
Gort from The Day the Earth Stood Still (compliant servant)
C-3P0 (hilarious, gay sidekick)
R2D2 (basic sex machine)

SECTION THREE: PROPAGATING THE SPECIES, or CHOOSING NOT TO

What best describes your level of dating skills?
Beginner
Basic
Expert
Master
Sith Lord

Which of the following is most important in choosing a significant other?
Honour
Wisdom
Intelligence
Has been prophesized about
Maintains consciousness at hi h G-force levels

While taking a romantic spaceflight with your Astro Date around Neptune you notice that the spaceship is losing oxygen from a broken tube outside the hull. What do you do?
Don your spacesuit and attempt to fix the leak in a daring spacewalk.
Cleverly use the planet's gravity to slingshot the ship back to the space station just in time.
Hold him/her/it close and wait for the blissful end!
Lots of screaming

My idea of a romantic space dinner would be:
A seven-course meal at a fine 20th Century Parisian restaurant aboard the Enterprise's Holodeck.
Skip dinner, snort some galactic-spice, head to a club
Intravenous fluids while we lie silently, side-by-side, in stasis tubes.
A hover board ride through the park with a stop by the Soylent Green stand later..

I think the future of humanity is:
bleak
very bleak
just bleak enough

SECTION FOUR: SHORT ANSWER

Here's your chance to expand on the above questions! Tell us a bit more about what you'd like to get out of Fake Prom and the Matchmaking service. Just seeing who you'd get matched with? Hoping for a perfect date? Want to meet someone new? Let us know anything else you'd like to tell us!

****END TRANSMISSION****